I know shaving your face is being marketed as an “experience,” a “moment for yourself.” But out of 100 shaves, how many times do you treat it like a spa day the way hot babes and high-rolling Atlantic City sweathogs do? Exactly.

This review was eight months in the making. I initially reviewed the Post Shave Balm from Dreadnought Shaving over a year ago (Jesus, look how distorted that image is. You’ve come a long way, baby).

At the time, I loved it. So much in fact, that I babied my supply, even cutting it with water when I ran low, the way you fill up your parent’s vodka from the liquor cabinet in high school.

In that eight months, I tried every conceivable aftershave and post shave incarnation, some high-end, though mostly sleazy and easily accessible. And all that time, I was really longing for Dreadnought.

I tried to deny it, but nothing was as good in the interim, or even now. Finally, tail between my legs, I reached back out to Dreadnought.

I was going to publish the actual email, but it was so #WeakSauce, so sappy, it was embarrassing, and it still is. I’d prefer you continue to think of me as a man, not some blathering, near-woman idiot, gassed up on chardonnay and scorn.

What did I like about it? What was so great about it that made me long for its touch? Here are three “quickies”:

1) The slick skin afterglow of a bygone era

2) The texture

3) A dab will fill up your entire face

Read the full review here.