No matter what Brian Wilson wants you to believe, summer is no time for a beard or a moustache. Is there a worse feeling than being stuck outside (working, gardening, drinking) in 98 degree heat being pelted by the merciless rays of the sun?

It’s amplified tenfold if you’re all bearded/goateed up because it absorbs all the sweat from your head and just SITS there. Beards are great for winter, especially if you think scarves are for girls/hipsters, and moustaches work in the fall. But in the summer, less is more. How else can you feel the soothing caress of your special lady’s hand on your face if it’s covered by facial hair? You can’t, so clean it up!