Reports out of Chicago have indicated the “Hipster Moustache” is BACK. People who don’t even know who Rollie Fingers is are biting his style at unprecedented levels. Young white males have been swallowed up in a trend of El Nino proportions.

If you feel something scrape against your shoulder, car, bed, etc., DON’T turn around; the “Hipster Moustache” thrives on eye to eye contact and sees it as a challenge. Instead, stand completely still and let the “Hipster Moustache” pass, on its way to get another tattoo of a toaster, or dripping ice cream cone or something else that makes no sense whatsoever and will only be regretted later.