Category: Hair Styles (Page 20 of 24)

Lice Ain’t Nice

August 23, 2011 / Paul Eide

We spend a lot of time covering hair on this blog, so let’s spend a column talking about your “uninvited roommate”, lice. Finding out you have lice is like finding out you’re pregnant- suddenly, an organism is living off your every move, depending on you for survival. Lice are like that sleazy ex-girlfriend you used hang out with on the sneak tip, late at night. While you sleep, they creep, gaining ground by the week.

So what do you do if someone you love has lice? Shun them. Cut off all ties. Just stop hanging out with them altogether. Even if it’s your mom, daughter, wife- especially wife. It’s the only sure way. If you still want to hang out with them, have them follow these steps and pray to the heavens. Because in the end, roaches, lice and lawyers will outlive us all. Word is bond.

Grooming, Hair Styles

Getting rid of lice how to Lice

White People And Dreadlocks Are Out

August 19, 2011 / Paul Eide

In a sense, white people with dreadlocks are an offense to nature, like the “Double Down” sandwich from Burger King. While the “Double Down” literally gives Mother Nature the middle finger (combining parts from pig, chicken and cow, then frying it), white people with dreads do much the same thing because they are forced and do not occur naturally.

Was that style ever really “in”, anyway? We all knew “Phish Kid” who had them and thought it was a phase, just like the copious drug use. Unless you’re Jon Favreau in the cult hit PCU, and you happen to be white, don’t do it. We all know you’re just mad at your dad.

What was that? You want to know how to style your hair into dreadlocks, and you’re a white person? Well, step one is to stop showering, which is no way to start a new hair style or anything else really.

Hair Styles, New Trends, Old School

Dreadlocks Hair Styles White Dreadlocks

Moss’ Hair Added To His Legacy

August 6, 2011 / Paul Eide

For all that Randy Moss contributed on the field with his freakish ways, his blasé attitude and penchant for sound bites, his sweet hairstyles were equally important. He did for hairstyles what Dennis Rodman did for tattoos.

Before Moss, cornrows were largely unheard of and were considered “thugged out” exclusively. Which is what him wearing them while he played for Marshall after getting kicked out of Florida State and Notre Dame made them so awesome; he didn’t care and never did.

After getting drafted lower than he should have, he shaved them off and had the best rookie year for a wide receiver ever, all while rocking a business like fade.

Once he’d established himself as the best WR in the game, he grew an afro and left it unkempt. Which was his style when he “mooned” Packer fans in the playoffs.

From then on, it was combination cornrows/braids to the end. And how do you pay for those, Randy? “Straight cash, homey.”

Grooming, Hair Styles, Old School

Afro Corn Rows Fades Randy Moss Hair

White Guys With Cornrows: A Retrospective

July 29, 2011 / Paul Eide

It all started with a young Justin Timberlake and it looked ridiculous while it was happening. But since he had an afro prior, it almost went off without being noticed. Wisely, JT’s management team never let him dabble in a popular black hairstyle ever again. And JT regrets it to this day, which is why I respect him.

Then, Kevin Federline entered our lives, impregnated Britney Spears and was GHOST. Then he ate them. Not the kids, the cornrows. Along with everything else in his house.

Then David Beckham came in after everyone was desensitized. And no one cared.

If you Google “White Guys With Cornrows”, then click on “News”, you’ll notice all results implicate the proprietor in a recent crime.

White guys, don’t do it.

Grooming, Hair Styles, New Trends, Old School

David Beckham Justin Timberlake Kevin Federline White Guys With Cornrows

Kristin Cavallari Gone- “Hair Helmet” Next?

July 25, 2011 / Paul Eide

Fresh off of making possibly the greatest decision of his life, is it possible that another good decision is on deck for Jay Cutler as well? I’m talking about finally parting ways with his “Hair Helmet”.

The “Hair Helmet” is definitely a regional cut, sort of like a “Hi-Top Fade” is to a urban area or a mullet is to Council Bluffs, Iowa. While there’s nothing wrong with it, per say, it’s dated and isn’t meant for anyone living in an urban area like Chicago, especially in the summer time. And it just looks ridiculous. Like a woman with a cheap weave.

Seriously, you’re not eight years old anymore and your mom isn’t cutting your hair for free. Even a faux-hawk would be an upgrade. Come one Jay, we “be-weave” in you!