In a sense, white people with dreadlocks are an offense to nature, like the “Double Down” sandwich from Burger King. While the “Double Down” literally gives Mother Nature the middle finger (combining parts from pig, chicken and cow, then frying it), white people with dreads do much the same thing because they are forced and do not occur naturally.

Was that style ever really “in”, anyway? We all knew “Phish Kid” who had them and thought it was a phase, just like the copious drug use. Unless you’re Jon Favreau in the cult hit PCU, and you happen to be white, don’t do it. We all know you’re just mad at your dad.

What was that? You want to know how to style your hair into dreadlocks, and you’re a white person? Well, step one is to stop showering, which is no way to start a new hair style or anything else really.