Product Review: Vaseline Men Spray Lotion

The new Vaseline Men Spray Lotion came to me in a time of need. My skin was drier than the driest Norm McDonald joke. So dry, in fact, that had my friends known, my new name would’ve been “Ashley” rather than Paul because I was so ashy.

Sure, the combination of Vaseline with a spray-on lotion lends itself perfectly to a masturbation joke. But guys, I’m not going to tug your chain — this stuff works.

Vaseline Men Spray Lotion is available in two formulas: Fast Absorbing and Fast Cooling.

Spray-on lotion may sound like a gimmick, but it’s actually really useful for certain troublesome areas. For me, one such area is the top middle of my back.

I’ve gotten used to glopping an excessive amount of lotion on my hand and sort of waywardly slapping it back there, usually with mixed results.

But the continuous “spray-ability” of Vaseline Men Spray Lotion allowed me to zero in on an area I couldn’t have otherwise reached. No, not that area, sir. I can reach there just fine, thank you.

Vaseline Men Spray Lotion absorbed into my skin faster than any lotion I have ever used. And there wasn’t a slimy residue that made my clothes stick to the area I covered; at least not from the spray lotion, anyway.

Read the full review here.

  

Product Review: Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive Collection

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The Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive Collection had all the sensitivity of a toddler petting a kitten on a pillow with a rainbow in the background, while listening to Richard Marx’s hit power ballad, “Hold Onto the Nights.”

As a dude, shaving your chin is a delicate, sensitive process. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nicked myself in that particular area based solely on excessive speed and a lack of tenderness.

Luckily, the Schick Hydro 5 Sensitive is here to save us from ourselves. The Ultra Glide Blades are equipped with Skin Guards (that would be a sweet band name) that smooth the surface of the skin while you shave. In the 20-plus shaves I used the product, it didn’t happen once. And I sped through my shaves like a young Apollo Ohno.

Since we’re being sensitive, I have a confession to make. Thanks to investing in high priced, high-end shaving creams (not to be confused with the Tribe Called Quest classic, “The Low End Theory”) over the years, I’ve tended to look upon Edge products with a jaundiced eye.

I mean, look at the people Edge hangs out with — Wal-Mart, Target and almost any other national retail chain. Edge will pretty much align itself with anyone that will have it, and those whoreish tendencies have never been lost on me.

But, as with the case of many whores, there is also something that attracts you in the first place, no matter how many strange beds she’s laid in.

Read the full review here.

  

Product Review: New York Streets TAR Hair Product

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TAR is a texturizing hair product with a medium hold from New York Streets. And being from the streets of NY, it comes with a neck tattoo and a knife. I’m just kidding, those are sold separately. If you do rock a neck tattoo and a knife, “Go Ahead – Be Free,” which is what New York Streets is all about.

The first thing I noticed was the color of the product. The steel gray color reminded me of paint. And for the canvas of your head, isn’t your hair essentially paint, anyway?

Hair is ultimately a reflection of the person who owns it, and how you style your hair says a lot about your personal brand and how you interact with the world.

Read the full review here.

  

Product Review: Old Spice Re-Fresh Body Spray

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Ever since I saw the first Old Spice “Mom Song” video, I have been praying to my non-denominational Spray God every night, asking (begging) that one of the smell technicians at Old Spice reach out to me for a product review of their new Re-Fresh Body Spray. In the meantime, I used an old bottle of Fiji shower gel to feel like I was part of the movement, to show I was “down,” i.e. the way gang members have to “do dirt” to be accepted into a particular gang or sect. And it paid off.

Old Spice reached out, but just like in gang life, they wanted something from me.  Even though I killed that drifter (needlessly, as it turned out) to peg my “real-a-meter” into the red, what they really needed from me was to recruit more members who cover their members in body spray. After all, 67% of guys who use body spray aren’t using it correctly.

I blame AXE for the cavalier spray techniques that have been developed, because after those ads, you thought the only way to apply body spray was via Spray Cloud. I seriously didn’t think “too much” existed in the body spray vernacular.

Read the full review here.

  

Terry Bradshaw talks Pepsi Halftime, the Super Bowl and the “Immaculate Reception”

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40 years ago this month, fifth-year NFL quarterback Terry Bradshaw came of age. The former #1 overall draft pick in 1970 had struggled in his first five regular seasons, averaging just 1,504 passing yards per season, while throwing 48 touchdowns and 81 interceptions.

But in the 1974 playoffs, something clicked. In wins over the Buffalo Bills, the Oakland Raiders, and finally, in the Super Bowl IX against the Minnesota Vikings, Bradshaw played the best football of his career, steadying himself long enough to let a powerful running game and legendary “Steel Curtain” defense dictate the tempo of games and slowly bleed out opponents.

We spoke to Terry about his progression as a quarterback, the Super Bowl and the Steelers dynasty of the 1970s.

Talk about your experience working with Pepsi on the Pepsi GRAMMY Halftime Show.

“This is just great, man. My agent called me and described the script and it sounded like so much fun, I couldn’t wait to do it. It was so much fun to make. And Deion (Sanders) and Shannon (Sharpe) were all laughing at each other. And coach Ditka was a hoot! Just four old guys out there showing off our stuff!

As a rookie, you were the first overall draft pick, and in the ensuing season, you threw a league leading 24 interceptions and split time with Terry Hanratty. What are your thoughts on that year in hindsight, after all the success?

“Well, I came up out of a small school where I was not exposed to the media, not exposed to fans, what it was like to have a bad game and the repercussions. So being booed, being ripped in the papers, this was all new to me. I had to learn how to be a professional, I had to learn how to study, I had to learn defenses. It took me a while. I wasn’t a real student of the game, I never really was one even as the years went on. I was never a guy that could sit down and just pound out tape after tape. Now, it’s a lot easier. Back then, tape would break and you’d have to glue it back together. I could sit there and my coach could tell me the coverages they would use, take all that information and put it on a piece of paper, go through all the plays and everything, and I would know what to do. I learned how to be a professional and it was brutal. Being booed and being called all those horrible things left a lasting impression on me. I never forgot it.”

Read the full interview here.

  

The Grammy’s Vs. 2014 NFL Pro Bowl: Pepsi #Halftime Show Saves Your Relationship

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This Sunday night, countless relationships will face a crossroads and perhaps even an impasse. Will you watch the 56th annual Grammy Awards and keep your mouth shut to appease your special lady (and see if “The Biebs” makes an appearance fresh out the pen)? Or, will you turn the tide and force her to watch the 2014 NFL Pro Bowl, the most meaningless of all NFL contests?

Minor grievances that had seemingly been resolved months ago will take on new life in a battle for the remote that shamelessly pits the sexes against each other.

What if you could combine both? What if your relationship didn’t HAVE to end because of TV programming?

The Pepsi Grammy Halftime Show has your back. This year the Grammy’s will have a special halftime sponsored by Pepsi that includes football personalities such as Mike Ditka, Terry Bradshaw, Deion Sanders and Shannon Sharpe in song-and-dance routines. Check out the video teaser:

Looks like your relationship is safe, for now. Until Valentine’s Day and she uses that highly questionable series of Twitter “interactions”  with her hot friend from six months ago against you.

  

Product Review: Sebamed Sensitive Skin After Shave Balm and Deodorant

Sebamed first hit store shelves in the 1960s, which makes it about twice as old as Sabretooth, famous archenemy of X-Men character Wolverine. Maybe if Sabretooth used Sebamed, his pH levels wouldn’t be so out of whack and he wouldn’t be as vicious. He would at least have better skin.

The surface of the skin is covered with a hydrolipid film called the acid mantle that is slightly acidic (pH 5.5). The acid mantle is essential for supporting the barrier functions of the outermost layer of the skin, the stratum corneum. And you thought the acid mantle and stratum corneum were obstacles you encounter during the Tough Mudder.

“Acid mantle? Stratum corneum? What is all this stuff, Paul?  The active ingredients in Sebamed sound like something straight out of X-Men. But it’s just another facet of aging, and as you age, you start to care about stuff you never thought you would. Like warranties, APRs and how rezoning of the local school district may impact what school your daughter attends. You also want to avoid crow’s feet and other examples of skin pushed to the limit without the intercession of a tender hand. And that is where the tender, caring, nurturing hand of Sebamed makes the difference, just like the tender hand of Professor Charles Francis Xavier aka Professor X.

Read the full review here.

  

Receding Hairline Or Bald Spot? Don’t “Munson” Yourself

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There’s only so much we can control. And one of those things we have no control over is whether or not we develop a receding hairline or a bald spot.

But what we can control is how we handle it. That means saying no to the comb over like Bill Murray in “Kingpin” or wearing an endless array of hats to cover our ongoing hair loss.

Rock that shit like Jason Statham or Bruce Willis and own it; don’t hide from it.

It is what it is and if you’re comfortable in yourself, the ladies will respond, bald spot or no.

They always do.

 

  

Product Review: Roots of Fight Tyson ’88 Hoodie

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In the last 30 years, there hasn’t been a heavyweight boxer as good as Mike Tyson. Arguably the greatest heavyweight of all-time, the 5-10 Tyson, with just a 71-inch reach, routinely knocked out opponents that were five inches taller and a quarter of his own bodyweight heavier.

After his 38-second knockout win over Lou Savarese in 2000, Tyson uttered potentially the greatest quote in boxing history. “My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious.”

And it wasn’t just about his success in the ring. The brand of Mike Tyson has experienced the crossover appeal that no other boxer, outside of Muhammad Ali, can lay claim to.

Even eight years after his final bout, Tyson’s legacy as a fighter and as a brand are both as impregnable as ever.

Roots of Fight pays tribute to the rich history of martial arts, boxing and MMA, and connects the history with images of iconic fighters like Mike Tyson, Muhammad Ali, Helio Gracie and Bruce Lee in its clothing collection.

The Tyson ’88 special edition hoodie features sleeve badges inspired by details from the trunks Tyson wore the night he knocked out Michael Spinks to become the lineal champ.

Read more at http://blog.bullz-eye.com/2013/12/15/product-review-roots-of-fight-tyson-88-hoodie/#eG18tfTyupXLRqMm.99

  

Have You Seen Aaron Rodgers’ Moustache?

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During this past Sunday’s Packers and Vikings overtime tie, the Fox camera kept cutting to the Packers sideline and showing a man that I assumed was an equipment manager on the sideline.

But it was no equipment manager; it was Packers stud QB Aaron Rodgers, sporting a moustache that would make any maintenance man proud.

I marveled at the thickness of it. If a man can grow a superior moustache, it’s his obligation to society to maintain it, if only for the kids.

In this world of shaved chests and hairless faces, it made me quiver with delight.

Speaking of moustaches, who better to talk about their cultural relevance than beard physician and sex oblect, Dr. Allan Peterkin?

Do it for the kids, friend.

 

  

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