Just Some More Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Get Married on V-Day Or EVER

If you’re thinking of getting married, DON’T, stupid. As a man who has been “actively divorced” for three years I really don’t know why I ever decided to complicate my life.

For instance tonight, I spent two hours after work watching highlights of the 1995 NBA Dunk Contest/Three Point Shootout. I ate dinner from a can and a blender. I stopped re-watching season 2 of Breaking Bad to write this. And I haven’t even mentioned my masturbation schedule yet.

Regardless, if you’re in a hurry to shit the bed in terms of far-reaching relationship decision making, consider these facts from David’s Bridal:

- More than half of brides (57%) would change something about their engagement ring if they could, with the biggest gripe being wanting a bigger stone (19%)

- 80% would scoff at a public Facebook proposal

- 63% wouldn’t say yes to their beau proposing on a Jumbotron

- 57% of brides would say no to the ever-popular flash mob proposal!

And if she says no, she’s doing you a favor, you idiot. Remember it isn’t just the proposal that’s about her but the entire fucking relationship.

  

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